ASSOCIATION CORTEX — My Story, My Seizure!
A Poem Based on A True Life Story.
Some ten years ago when I first attempted writing,
I used to take a tonne of time to come up with my first reasonable phrase or group of words…
Most of the time, I would just scribble something minute on my pad,
And then spend the majority of my time in an eerie emptiness,…
As nothing ever seemed to come…
I now think and feel like,
A lot of emotions were obstructing my view then.
And possibly, I was stalking the wrong neural spaces,
In my search for motivation and my attempt to keep in line with what I deemed as ‘structured mental clarity’.
I was painfully streamlining my first letter, thought, and words…
Through the littlest tap of ‘writing with reason’…
In summary, I was blindly constructing a subconscious Lego brick house…
Without first opening my eyes to look at and identify each conscious piece…
Each conscious piece of magical unmutilated and pure mental expression…
That God pulsatingly slid into my mind’s hands, in its entirety…
Fast forward to today and I actually spend more time holding the brakes with all fours…
As whenever I think of writing or creating, especially a poem,
My thoughts start in spurts but then suddenly all burst out at once…
My mind erects like an unending laser beam on viagra that keeps rising and refuses to come off…
Different thoughts are pulsating simultaneously while scattered in one infinite ray of light…
It’s now my job to grab and keep up with them because they wouldn’t last for too long.
They’re all there at almost the same time and once it’s over, they’ll disappear instantaneously…
No lifespan. No recollection. No material.
Mute.
When it starts, I just rapidly scroll down any page I’m on…
And instantly start ejaculating words and sentences everywhere…
Whilst trying to retain all the vital association forces or ‘bonds’,
Connecting these thoughts to form memory…
The association cortex that gives everything meaning and prescribes understanding…
It’s like trying to catch disappearing gold without reason!
The funniest thing is I’m at a stage in my life where I feel like my hard drive is full.
But I’m subconsciously permanently connected to an unknown unidentified neighbor's WiFi, even at rest…
Sometimes I have to distract myself with a video or the closest sound I can play,
Anything to constrict my gushing mind and desaturate the color of my thoughts to the nearest grey scale…
The simple truth is that my mind no longer has pressure…
And so I have to take good care of it…
The last Doctor says I have a complex partial seizure…
But I know it’s just an unprecedented continuation of our normal human mental associative spectrum…
I’m still like you and I love to create by thinking,
I just have an exponentially undefined number of intangible mental extension cords and connections…
And more often than not, they prefer to be erratic…
I’ll continue to take care, even though I know the mind is not really real…
I’ll continue to fight and swallow all the necessary precautions daily and not let it affect how I feel…
I’ll continue to stay strong as I am strong before I am…
I’ll continue to lay down as often as needed but never ever allow my soul to look down…
I will continue to cope and try my best!
And I will continue to live for as long as I can…
For I know the force is with me!
My story, my seizure.
I love you all.
- The Befibrillator.
“ASSOCIATION CORTEX — My Story, My Seizure!” — Poem Number 30 from my book, EvolutionR
Composed by Dr. Adeboye Oluwajuyitan.
Date of Creation — 11th December 2022.
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